Feedback

RECEIVING FEEDBACK SHOULD NOT BE A NEGATIVE EXPERIENCE

By Becky Westwood, Organisational Psychologist at Monkey Puzzle Training and Consultancy, and author of ‘Can I Offer You Something? Expert Ways to Unpack the Horrors of Organisational Feedback’

Feedback can be a powerful tool for individual growth and development. But for many people, receiving feedback can be a daunting experience inspiring anxiety, dread and even fear in people. 

It is important to remember that feedback isn’t the universal truth – most of the time the information we receive is grounded in someone’s subjective experience of us or our work. Acknowledging this is the first step to feeling more empowered when receiving feedback. What we are hearing isn’t universally true or false, right or wrong, but perspectives can unlock blind spots, new insights and help us build awareness as we progress towards our goals.

As I discovered when researching for my new book ‘Can I Offer You Something?”, there are a variety of reasons why many people struggle with receiving feedback, including:   

• Fear of Judgment: Worrying about being perceived as overly sensitive or defensive.
• Lack of Clarity: Difficulty understanding the specific points being made.
• Timing Issues: Frustration with receiving feedback too late to make changes.
• Relationship Concerns: Fear of damaging relationships with the feedback provider.
• Limited Opportunity for Discussion: Lack of space to ask questions or clarify misunderstandings.

People have a range of approaches for navigating these feelings, from the ‘just push through approach’ to the ‘avoid at all costs’ method. These approaches attempt to give recipients back a feeling of control – of themselves, their reactions and the process. However, this often comes at the expense of their wellbeing, relationships at work and their future opportunities to learn, grow and be recognised. 

Don’t wait for perspectives to find you

It can be tempting to wait for your manager, leader or peers to find you with their feedback. This might be in your regular one-to-ones, development conversations or annual reviews. This can add to the feeling that we are engaging with feedback because we must. In fact, in my second research study 76% of people said they use feedback because it’s a ‘have to’. This is hardly empowering.

Instead, you can take control by becoming clear about what your professional goals are, and what things you would like to change or develop. Then go out and actively seek perspectives that will help you achieve the changes you want. You can give permission to your leader to give you feedback more regularly and in a way that works for you. 

You can also give yourself feedback – taking intentional time on a regular basis to reflect on your perspectives of how you are doing. Your perspective is just as valid as someone else’s and many people I work with have implemented a rhythm of, each week, reflecting on three things that went well and three changes they would make. 

These practices may not stop feedback coming from other sources, potentially at unsolicited times, but it will help you to develop a more proactive and less fearful relationship with receiving feedback.

Share the responsibility

It’s important to remember that sharing perspectives is an exchange not a transaction.

When seeking or receiving feedback, it’s essential to establish clear expectations and understanding. You play an active role in this and by using clarifying questions, you can ensure that you and the feedback provider are on the same page. An example of questions you can use to gain clarity is, can you tell me more about what you’ve observed? 

These types of questions need to be asked with rapport, curiosity and a willingness from each person to be open to the possibility that there may be something one has seen that the other may not have noticed. Leaving feedback exchanges with clarity instead of confusion will help you to have the confidence to decide what you’d like to do with the perspectives you’ve received.

Recognise you have a choice

A perspective is not true or false, good or bad, right or wrong. It is simply someone else saying this is how I experienced x. They can be incredibly helpful to consider but they may not all need to be acted upon. Once you’ve received feedback, you have the power to choose how to respond. Here are some strategies to consider:

• Reflect and Discern: Take the time to consider the feedback. Are there recurring themes? Do these themes resonate with your own experiences and goals?
• Seek Multiple Perspectives: Consulting additional sources can provide a more comprehensive and holistic understanding of the situation.
• Choose Your Path: The decision to act or not to act is entirely yours. Sometimes, the most valuable feedback is the confirmation of your current course.
• Take Actionable Steps: If you decide to make changes, break them down into smaller, actionable steps.
• Consider the Context: Evaluate the feedback in light of your past experiences. Has similar feedback been offered before?

Conclusion

People working in organisations want to develop, they want to contribute, learn, be valued and recognised for their work. These things involve becoming aware of how you are doing, aware of where you want to get to, your goals, and where you are in pursuit of them. Ultimately this all involves perspectives. The power to leverage feedback lies within you. By approaching feedback with an open mind and a willingness to learn, you can transform it into a catalyst for positive change and turn perspectives into possibilities.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Becky Westwood is an Organisational Psychologist, and Chief Experience Officer of Monkey Puzzle Training and Consultancy. Becky is author of ‘Can I Offer You Something? Expert Ways to Unpack the Horrors of Organisational Feedback’

Web:

https://monkeypuzzletraining.co.uk/books/can-i-offer-you-something

https://www.linkedin.com/in/beckywestwood/

https://www.linkedin.com/company/monkey-puzzle-training-and-consultancy-limited/